Summary: After getting dumped by his girlfriend, an underachieving Brit and is bawdy buddy decide to go on a hiking trip in rural England. Unfortunately they get mixed up with a nest of lesbian vampires and a crazy vicar.
Ok, full disclosure: I expected this movie to suck. Hard. After the disaster that was Wicked Lake at last year’s Deadmonton Festival, I was sure this was going to be complete and utter crap. So when I say it was fucking awesome, I suppose you have to take that with a grain of salt. But still…. awesome.
The movie starts off with a brief backstory, letting us know that there was a lesbian vampire queen Carmilla who was killed by a baron because she started nailing his wife while he was off at the crusades. So he creates a big magic sword to kill her, but she casts a curse on the village that on their 18th birthday, all its women will turn in to lesbian vampires. Best… curse… ever.
Jump to the present: Jimmy (Matthew Horne) is getting dumped (sorry, not dumped, she just needs some space - in which to fit some studly dudes) for what seems to be the billionth time. We then cut to his buddy getting fired from his clown job (for punching kids – he just hates them). So the two get together at their favourite little public house to get smashed and commiserate. Long story short, they end up in rural Norfolk with a bunch of Swedish (?) babe stereotypes in a little cabin. SPOILERS! But they are sacrifices!!! Dun… dun… DUUNNN!!!!
So lesbian vampires show up and start feasting on the babes. I don’t need to go in to the rest of the movie. Hijinx ensues.
And hijinx is where this movie excels. The humour is stupid and juvenile, but that doesn’t make it any less funny. Jimmy’s best friend Fletch (James Corden) is great. He is your standard horny sidekick and does a great job. Bummed by a gay werewolf. Teeheehee. Jimmy is the geek who gets the nerdy Swedish babe and saves the day.
You know the problem with this movie? Not enough T’n’A. When you call your movie Lesbian Vampire Killers there are certain expectations that need to be met. Specifically, lesbian vampire action. You don’t even see vampire chicks making out with tongue until the last 15 minutes of the movie. That’s bull shit.
The movie starts off with a brief backstory, letting us know that there was a lesbian vampire queen Carmilla who was killed by a baron because she started nailing his wife while he was off at the crusades. So he creates a big magic sword to kill her, but she casts a curse on the village that on their 18th birthday, all its women will turn in to lesbian vampires. Best… curse… ever.
Jump to the present: Jimmy (Matthew Horne) is getting dumped (sorry, not dumped, she just needs some space - in which to fit some studly dudes) for what seems to be the billionth time. We then cut to his buddy getting fired from his clown job (for punching kids – he just hates them). So the two get together at their favourite little public house to get smashed and commiserate. Long story short, they end up in rural Norfolk with a bunch of Swedish (?) babe stereotypes in a little cabin. SPOILERS! But they are sacrifices!!! Dun… dun… DUUNNN!!!!
So lesbian vampires show up and start feasting on the babes. I don’t need to go in to the rest of the movie. Hijinx ensues.
And hijinx is where this movie excels. The humour is stupid and juvenile, but that doesn’t make it any less funny. Jimmy’s best friend Fletch (James Corden) is great. He is your standard horny sidekick and does a great job. Bummed by a gay werewolf. Teeheehee. Jimmy is the geek who gets the nerdy Swedish babe and saves the day.
You know the problem with this movie? Not enough T’n’A. When you call your movie Lesbian Vampire Killers there are certain expectations that need to be met. Specifically, lesbian vampire action. You don’t even see vampire chicks making out with tongue until the last 15 minutes of the movie. That’s bull shit.
B-
originally posted Oct. 25, 2009
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